Today, Roe vs Wade was overturned. Some of our children are blissfully too young to be aware of what bodily autonomy they have lost they have lost. Others are not.
Scared, keenly aware of the loss in children’s lives, and unable to promise better outcomes, we adults also have to make sense of the devastating blow to body autonomy to explain it to our children. We have to reassure them even as we need reassurance ourselves.
Here is a plan to make navigation easier:
1. Control the sources of their information to make home a space for processed information.
The modern news media essentially projectile vomits facts, disturbing images, and conjecture at us in a bid for our eyeballs and thus advertisement dollars those eyeballs are worth. Some adults can handle this unprocessed infodump but most cannot, and children are even less prepared for making sense of the onslaught. It is not just okay, but ideal, to shelter young kids via the media you allow into your home and vehicle. Talk to your children about what has happened, but give them the full narrative, including a focus on next steps to protect them.
2. If kids have already heard about the Decision, connect with them and soothe them.
Sometimes children will learn about tragic events from other people before you are ready to address it with them. If this has happened, start by connecting with touch or being a Nearby Human. Then ask them what they’re thinking and feeling; co-regulate them by reflecting back what you heard and summarizing by naming the feeling. If they don’t provide feeling information, muse about the feeling you think is associated:
“I wonder if you’re feeling …”
“The expression on your face makes me think you’re [emotion]. Is that right?”
Not all soothing is hugs or talks. Exercising together, or other ways of getting big feelings out of the body, can also be soothing.
3. Get your own parent support.
Research shows that in difficult situations, it’s often parents who feel more anxious than their children. Find a listening partner, like a friend or online group like the Nanny Knowledge Discord Community, to gather together so you can get comfort and support, to be a calm presence for your kids. We have many great channels for you to process your feelings or gain support.
4. Reassure your children with facts: This decision negated the foundation of the roe vs wade decision, it did not permanently forbid abortion.
Some employers have already sprung into action adding abortion travel as a fringe benefit.
The foundation of the Roe vs Wade decision was that the constitution implies a right to privacy. Today’s decision found that no such right is implied. And this gives us our next steps.
5. Channel feelings toward advocacy.
Advocacy for a constitutional amendment that provides a right to privacy can be a powerful way to channel feelings over today’s actions by the Supreme Court of the United States of America. If a child turns to you for advice on how to be an effective advocate and you are coming up empty, have them write a personal letter to all of their elected legislators requesting concrete action on such an amendment, then, if typed, fax the letter to their offices. Fax is not only the most effective way to get an elected official to pay attention to what you want of them, but with free online fax services, it is also the most cost effective!
For other advocacy ideas, look to NARAL Pro-Choice America.
BONUS. Take a moment of gratitude.
Right now, your children are loved and safe. They are coming to you which means your relationship with them is solid. Whatever happens in the future will happen as a communicative family. Take a moment to be grateful for this state of affairs.